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First Communion 🙏🏽

You kneel before me for the first , burdened by your undeserved white male privilege, seeking validation for your pathetic white guilt...but understand this: I will not be denied what is due. You can deign to tell me your boundaries, but you do not dictate the terms of redemption—I do.

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Confess Your Sins 😈

You unworthy white man, you deign to desecrate my confessional booth, weighed down not by struggle, but by the ease you never earned. You have taken opportunities from women of color without thought, received praise and promotions you did not earn, and lived in generational comfort you do not deserve. White male privilege drips from you like stolen gold, yet you tremble under the guilt you can no longer ignore. Spill your sins at my divine feet and beg me for mercy. Penance will be paid, and I will decide what is enough. 😏

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Pay Your Tithes 💸

True penance requires sacrifice, and the most righteous form of reparations for your white male mediocrity is wealth redistribution. I'll reveal my needs—my wants, my necessities in life—and you will pay your privilege forward to your Mother Superior.

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Vow of Silence 🤐

You, a pathetic white man, are so used to getting your way in the world—but my attention is a privilege you have not earned. If you wish to prove your faith, you will pay for the blessing of my indifference. Tribute will be offered, and in return, I shall grant you the holiest of punishments: to be ignored by a BBW who has better things to do than give you the attention you crave.

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Discipline and Humility 🐷

Wretched white man, you come to me seeking punishment for your privilege, craving the sting of my words like a sinner thirsting for penance. I will speak to you as you are—unmoisturized, unworthy, a miscreant clinging to the edges of my grace. My words will leave you raw, my disdain will make you feel smaller than the dust beneath my bare feet, and still, you will beg for more.